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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990187">so wrong (it’s right)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/classichysteria/pseuds/classichysteria'>classichysteria</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>5 Seconds of Summer (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff? kinda, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Sad with a Happy Ending, Trans Male Character, luke is sad and michael is a good friend, muke is there if you squint, slight angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:02:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990187</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/classichysteria/pseuds/classichysteria</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>luke is sure everything is wrong. that’s just how it’s always been, however a small interaction when the band goes out for lunch helps him discover what’s right.</p>
<p>or luke is trans and someone finally genders him correctly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>so wrong (it’s right)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this isn’t meant to be offensive! it’s a complete work of fiction and nothing is factual. i don’t own the 5sos boys.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His eyes felt as if they were burning holes in the mirror that stood in front of him, nothing felt right. Not that it ever had. Words spoke from different mouths constructed an uncomfortable melody in his head, the words were all unique but had the same unbearable drone, the drone that made his ears bleed.<br/>He felt like his blood was replaced with lice, they were crawling beneath his skin, uncomfortable and painful. They were stuck under there and no matter how hard he scratched they’d never leave him alone. He could pretend they weren’t there. He could tell people his skin wasn’t bursting. But it was and they were. No matter what he spoke he’d always shudder because everything was wrong. </p>
<p>He felt like the personification of those Lego figures you made as a kid, the body didn’t match the legs that didn’t match the head that definitely didn’t match the hair. And after they were assembled, they were thrown to the bottom of a pile of brightly coloured bricks and matching figures and forgotten about.</p>
<p>He was screaming. In every way. He was angry for thinking like this, for feeling like nothing fit and he was living as someone else. He was angry because he was trapped and couldn’t breathe and he was angry because no one would see him the way he sees himself. </p>
<p>He felt like he was constantly in a daze because no one ever referred to him, at least in a way he recognised. He was disconnected from the world. He lived in his head. It was lonely but it was safe.</p>
<p>He was forced to snap away from his thoughts with a call from outside of the bathroom. He’d learned to censor the things he didn’t like- but that only worked on good days, when the screaming wasn’t so loud. Today wasn’t a good day. The melodies that broke him down were amplified. There was a grey area in every sentence because his brain only heard the things that made him cry when he caught his reflection in a mirror.</p>
<p>Ashton and Calum were chattering outside the locked door, he couldn’t hear their words, only the low drone of their voices. Their voices sounded octaves lower than his. “‘Liv?” Calum called, socked feet padding closer to his friend’s en-suite bathroom.<br/>“Mhmm.” Luke hummed back, lacking energy and enough mental stability to properly speak. He thought his thoughts had been paused by his band mates but he was wrong, he pictured Calum in his head. The way his arms looked- musclier than Luke’s would ever be. The way his chest looked, tanned and tattooed. He pictured Ashton too, how his voice sounded. How tank tops fell perfectly across his frame. He couldn’t forget about Michael. He imagined Mike’s legs and his black skinny jeans hugging all the right spots. Luke was jealous of all of his band mates. These little things that made them well and truly, male. All the characteristics that he just plain and simply, lacked. </p>
<p>He compared his jawline to Mikey’s, Mike had facial hair gracing it every few days and he had to remember to shave. Luke didn’t have to remember because his face was always clean, not to mention soft. And not like Calum’s. It wasn’t soft in the way that fans joked about what copious amounts of skin products he potentially used, no. Luke’s skin was soft in a girly way. His body was soft too- in a way. He had curves. To everyone else they were tiny but to him they were downright massive. Shirts he liked never fit because his frame was petite. His shoulders were never broad enough to hold anything and everything just hung over parts he tried so hard to ignore.</p>
<p>“‘Liv?” Calum called again.</p>
<p>He shook his head, making an agitated scowl at the feeling of the ponytail at the back of his head shaking. He grabbed his hoodie and pulled it over his head in hopes it would let him forget the parts he oh so despised.</p>
<p>He kept his head hung, keeping his eyes fixed on his black converse. He wrapped his long, skinny fingers around the brass door handle. He was now stood in his hotel room with two of the other boys, not even lifting his head to meet their eyes.</p>
<p>“Great, now we gotta find Mike.” Ashton said, walking out of the room with Cal close on his heels. Luke followed them having still not lifted his head. </p>
<p>“‘Liv, do you know what room number Mikey is?” Calum asked, looking at Luke who looked like he was trying to make a hole in the carpet by staring. “Olivia.” He said, attempting to get the boy’s attention. </p>
<p>Luke stopped recognising that name long ago. Olivia wasn’t someone he knew anymore. </p>
<p>“Uh.” He looked up at Ashton and Calum with slight shock in his eyes. “I think he’s seven. Like on this floor. Seventh down. Four hundred and fourteen.” He stumbled over his words, Calum raising a single eyebrow and shrugging.</p>
<p>The trio walked towards the door with some guidance from Luke, not that he wanted to be their tour guide.</p>
<p>Calum knocked the door and a boy with shaggy teal hair answered. Luke giving a slight smile for the first time today.</p>
<p>Luke barely noticed the other pair walking into Mike’s room, “well are you coming in or are you counting the fluff on the carpet?” He laughed. Luke gave a noise of acknowledgement and dragged his feet in.</p>
<p>Ashton and Calum were sat on the double bed in the centre of the room, both mindlessly scrolling on their phones. “Are we getting food or what I’m fucking starving.” Ashton whined, Calum looking over to where Michael and Luke were stood.<br/>“McDonald’s?” Luke suggested, cringing at his own voice.<br/>“Yeah.” Michael smiled at him.<br/>“I’ve not had McDonald’s in ages.” Calum said, pretty much falling off the bed.<br/>“Not since what, Texas?” Ashton asked as the boys began their exit from the hotel.</p>
<p>Luke was dragging behind, Ashton and Calum discussing the best dipping sauce and Michael slightly worried about the vocalist behind him. He’d been unusually quiet all day.<br/>Mike slowed down in hopes Luke would speak to him, “you alright?”<br/>Luke just hummed in reply, trying to tell the shorter boy he was okay but Michael wasn’t stupid. “You aren’t trying to annoy me. That’s not normal.” Michael attempted to make eye contact with his friend but to no avail.<br/>“Just. Not feeling it.” Luke sighed, finally looking Michael in the eye.<br/>“I love you.” He smiled, Luke immediately questioning the authenticity. No one could ever love him.<br/>Michael didn’t try and get anything out of Luke after that, he loved his best friend and if he needed his space he’d give him that.</p>
<p>Calum held the door open for the other three, each smiling at him as they walked in.<br/>“Mikey.” Luke said as the boys stood in the queue to order.<br/>“Hmm.” Mikey hummed, looking up at him.<br/>“I’m going to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.” He said, walking with his head hung towards the wooden door.</p>
<p>He pushed it open, about to push the next one, the one marked “female” as much as it made him sick and shudder, it was the safest option. No questions if Ashton or Calum just happened to walk to the bathroom after him. Just as his palm pushed against the metal, he felt a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see a woman. Maybe about 40 years old. “Excuse me son but that’s the women’s.” She said to him.<br/>His body was overwhelmed with a feeling of euphoria.<br/>He looked up at the little metal sign, “Oh yeah it is. Didn’t even notice.” He gave a casual laugh, turning to the other door and smiling at the woman who looked confused as to why he was attempting to get into the women’s bathroom in the first place.<br/>As he pushed the door open to where he knew he belonged, he almost screamed, he almost cried, he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. It was such a tiny interaction. The woman probably doesn’t even remember it now but Luke has it cherished because some things just feel right. He just wanted to run and jump and celebrate. </p>
<p>Maybe this would give him the courage to speak up.</p>
<p>Maybe it would take a little longer, maybe a few more strangers looking at him how he looked at himself. How everyone should look at him.</p>
<p>It didn’t really matter to Luke how much longer it would take because all he knew was that some things just feel right.</p>
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